shounen ai

shounen-ai or shou i say boys love... wch is actually e love btwn gays la... ha... dis is a topic i haven touched on 4 sumtime huh... let's c... i tink in early 2004, i stumbled upon a shounen-ai manga... n dun ask me wat it was... cos aft readin hundreds n thousands n countless of shounen-ai n yaoi mangas, i rilly dun rmb anymore... haha... anyway, besides e fact tt i dun haf 2 c big disgustin breasts n stupid panty shots anymore, its e gentle tenderness tt e seme will shower upon e uke wch totally melts me up... seme=e guy gay, uke=e girl gay... so anyway, deir love stories r sumtimes even more overwhelmin dan a reg shoujo manga... tt was y i was so interested w/ gays den... but sadly... in e real world, most gays dun look anytin like manga characters... n dey're normally nt e skinny, slender kinds, but rather e big bulky macho types, wch is seriously disgustin in my eyes la... haha... so ril life gays disgust me... i jus stuck 2 lovin my manga characters... but i started 2 rilly disapprove of gays again cos i rilly feel so pain 4 e ukes... hw can ey tolerate bein poked in2 like tt?? T_T so poor tin... e anus is rilly jus meant 4 shittin, nt 4 bein thrust in2 lor... so nw i'm fine w/ dem bein all lovin w/ each other but i can never bear 2 watch em go at it ever... i rilly dun understd hw e uke can carry on e relationship whn it fuckin hurts tt bad... anyway, eversince sumtime back, i dun watch or read shounen-ai stuff liao... but recently, i d/led a shounen-ai anime called gakuen heaven... i'm stil at e 2nd epi only so no hard core yaoi yet... i hope dey never show it doh... cos i do enjoy em jus huggin n bein swt n all nw... esp whn ey r all bishounens(handsome guys)!! its seriously DELICIOUS watchin bishounens huggin!! wahahah.... o!! another gd shoujo anime 2 watch w/ lots of bishounens in it wou b saiunkoku monogatari!! dose guys r super uber shuai man!! XD~~~ oops... sorry 4 e drool... heh.... n xxxholic n tsubasa chronicles, basically all clamp animes, haf dose long slender bodies w/ extraordinarily long thin limbs!! dey r 2 DIE 4 man!! XD wahahah... ok.. enuff of droolin la... i shou go catch epi 3 of my gay anime cos it has jus finally d/led finis... heh heh heh... XD~~~

haruhi suzumiya

jus watched quite a few epis of e melancholy of haruhi suzumiya... n nw e bloggin feelin came back... heh... anyway, i wish i was haruhi suzumiya... n i used e word "wish" cos i noe tt tt will never hap... cos wishes dun come true... -_- anyway, i wish i was her nt bcos she's super pretty(in e anime, she's considered a super pretty girl), or tt she's gd at all sports, does well in her studies, gets 2 bully kyon n treats him like her slave, n basically b absolutely unreasonable n bullies every1 aroun her.... haha... wat i like is, abt her bein "god"... explained by koizumi, wateva she wans or wishes 4 comes true... cos she is "god" n creatin n alterin is child's play 2 her... she does nt noe anytin abt dis, abt e whole world revolvin only ard her... i cant tink of wats beta dan bein god, n livin in ur own created world, n nt havin any knowledge abt it 2 s tt will only burden u n make u feel responsible or wateva all la... cos ignorance is bliss... n havin wishes come true unexpectedly makes 1 happier dan noein b4hand tt ey'll only come true if u wish it.... wat i mean is, its like u haf 2 work 4 it... makin wishes 2 make ur life e way u wan it... well, tt jus translate 2 me bein a lazy ass whose nt willin 2 work 2 make e most out of my life... -_- anyway, i'm nt e pt here... e pt is haruhi suzumiya... but playin god aint sumtin tt'll hap at all... so it boils dwn 2 plan b, goin in2 a coma n play god den.... create wateva i wan n all in my subconscious... live in my own made up world n never wake up til i cease 2 cont functionin... hw swt tt wou b... o well, jus n insight of n incorrigible lazy ass' daydreams... but jus a note, e world i'd create wou def b animated... XD

dis feelin

i dun feel like bloggin... so i came here 2 blog abt tt "dun feel like bloggin" feelin... tata~~ XD

bloggin crisis

rilly haven bn bloggin s much s i used 2 huh... dunno y, feel like i'm goin thru sum mid-life bloggin crisis... wahahah... XD i actually fear comin here n seein e comments n all... e obligation 2 blog weighs heavily on my shoulders each time i c dis pg... haha... n i jus dun haf e inspiration 2 blog liao... haha... anyway, i'll try 2 do dis like i used 2... so bear w/ me... here goes...

went 2 e new cathay jus nw w/ jas 2 watch over e hedge... wch i feel its rilly another nice cartoon movie!! ^_^ so happy!! tt i've bn watchin sum rilly nice cartoon movies lately!! nt like chicken lil... -_-" big disappointment man tt 1... n i tot ice age 2 was ok only la... had 2 high n expectation 4 it i guess... cos ice age 1 was rilly gd... ~_~

anyway, aft e movie, we hurried over 2 ps 2 catch e shops b4 dey closed... but we only looked a lil la... i had no mood 2 shop cos i'm fat nw!! T_T ere's so many tins upsettin me nw, but e most disturbin 1 wou b me bein fat la... T_T actually maybe its bcos i'm fat tt i tink of unhappy tins... so my tinkin of me eatin whn i'm sad is untrue lor... its more like i start 2 eat alot den i bcome fat den i get rilly sad 1 lor.... T_T n rite nw e only reason tt i can tink of y i'm eatin so much is cos i wake at 10am EVERY mornin!! n its seriously EVERY mornin, even sat n sun!! -_-" i jus cant slp past 10 anymore... T_T in fact at 9plus i'll b lyin on e bed/sofa forcin myself 2 slp summo cos it isnt 10 yet... n tt 15 mins will seem like hrs 2 me... i'll eventually gif up tryin 2 slp n wake up b4 10.... T_T poor me....

n cos i wake up so early, i've got alot of time 2 eat til i go out n meet u guys in e evenin... i dunno y i get so bored, n my mouth gets so itchy n i haf 2 munch on sumtin ALL e time!! T_T i'm seriously full ALL day!! i wake up feelin full, i'm full b4 i eat bkfast, i'm full b4 i eat lunch, i'm full b4 i snack on sum snacks, i'm full b4 i snack summo, i'm full b4 i eat dinner, i'm full b4 i go 2 slp, n i'm stil FREAKIN full whn i'm slpin!! T_T n i rilly hate feelin full!!! cos food dun taste nice whn i'm full!! ey taste sooooo much nicer whn i'm hungry!! its like a waste of my stomach space whn i eat whn i'm nt hungry.... T_T so sadzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.......

to you

2 tt sum1 out ere, doh i noe u hardly ever read my blog... i hope u get out of ur unbearable love soon... its nt like i'm strong or anytin... i jus made a choice n did my best 2 stick 2 it... i noe urs is much harder... but its stil nt a "i cant do it at all" tin actually... haizzz... i've already told u all of dese anyway... ere's nutin else left 2 say already...jus tt u feel so sad yet i cant help u... makes me feel v failure 2... 2 nt b able 2 comfort a fren in pain... all i can do is listen 2 u... n seriously, literally only listen... cos anytin i say wou b rendered useless n impossible 2 u... haizzz... i jus hope u at least get tt gd slp u've bn wishin 4 so badly.... n i hope tt mth comes soon 2 whn u'll finally b freed 4m his clutches... so dry ur tears n swt dreams girl....

haizzz.... i noe jus nw over e phone i told u tt u din bring up bad memories whn u were pourin out 2 me... but i guess tts nt entirely true... n summo rite aft we hung up, my sis came hme n poured out 2 me abt her work 2... she cried a lil... den it started 2 unrevel e ril prob tts buggin her... n tt is, she has no frens... she only has, her bf, me, mom n dad... haizzz... i dunno... i guess bein poured out 2 4 a few hrs str, i got pretty affected aftall... so i'm jus feelin sad nw la...

i din manage 2 publish dis entry jus nw actually... but i'm feelin beta nw... cos my sis n i ended up watchin densha otoko jus nw... wch is rilly nice btw... anyway, its nite time nw n i dun feel like bloggin... feel quite slpy nw... maybe cos i'm feelin sick nw... wch btw i was sick early dis wk, tts y i din haf e mood 2 blog... well, guess i goin 2 slp nw la... nitezzZZzzz~~~

stupid girls

normally aft i watch finis couplin n once oprah prime time comes on, i'll off e tv... haha... but surprisinly, jus nw, i din... i was pretty interested 2 watch em discuss abt 2dae's generation "stupid girls" who buy branded stuff n dress scantily n shake deir booties on tv... heh... pretty heated discussions ey had ere... w/ n ex music video girl, pink, 4 teens who r supposedly wat ey call s "stupid girls", a "girls gone wild" recruiter, a feminist bk author, a pretty feminist psychologist n of cos oprah... ey said sumtin abt men exploitin women s tools or objs 2 profit out of it n all... i do nt disagree w/ tt, but i dun tink ere's only men behind e entertainment biz rite?? its def nt a v gd influence on nw teenage girls, but if ey dun do e spendin, e country's economy's gonna suffer quite a huge revenue loss wouldnt u say?? heh... doh it doesnt rilly concern me tt much if america were 2 do well or nt... XP

ey said sumtin abt us bein brainwashed by e media... makin us tink we haf 2 b pretty n skinny... well, i do hold quite alot of imptance on skinniness... heh... but if u din care abt tt, u'd jus b a sad depressed glutton... n u'd def b sadder dan e other ppl who goes on diets n cares abt hw ey look, cos at least 2 ese ppl, even doh dey tink dey haven rich e perfect body dey wan, whn ey c fat ppl walkin ard, ey'd feel abit gd abt emselves still... wch i do tt actually... XP wahaha... guess dis applies 2 me n sum others only la... i guess my views r quite narrow s its only 4m my perspective... n maybe i've already bn brainwashed by e media... haha... wateva it is, its stil our choice 2 make... doh we r pretty affected by e media i wou say... hmmm... o_O

anyway, dressin up like celebs, buyin fashion mags 2 c wat u shou buy all, is pretty rubbish 2 me la... 1stly, i do nt wanna waste $$ on pgs of colorful pp... n since i dun go 4 branded stuff, i wouldnt even look at dose mags cos ey only or mostly feature stuff tts beyond my measely budget anyway... i dun haf any celebs i try 2 dress up like i tink... but yeah, i rather dress up like my anime characters la... heh... XD man... i rilly dun get wats e big deal w/ branded stuff anyway... s long s u look nice n of cos skinny XD in em, tts more den enuff rite?? n y buy e real branded stuff whn ppl will b wonderin if ey're fakes?? i applaud 2 dose who manufactures imitation gds man... ey're a saviour 2 me in a way... bsides makin me nt look 2 much like ms cheapo all e time, its also cos i feel ey help e ppl ard me, who r brand conscious, 2 cut dwn on deir monstrous expenditures!! wch in turns helps stop me 4m my blood boilin, eyes poppin, blood vomittin n veins burstin la... heh... XD but of cos, ey beta 1st b sensible enuff 2 noe wats gd 4 em n tt imitations aint rilly 2nd class, cos dey stil hold e same functions e real 1 haf anyway, n tt is 2 b a bag or clothes or wateva la... so bascially, i tink bein calculative mite b e only solution 2 help save dose girls in america 4m becomin wateva it is ey're afraid ey're becomin la... haha...

but actually bttmline is, limits la... its nt a completely no no 2 wanna b like celebs n crap, but limits mus b intro lor... but tts also a matter of diffe individuals... sum haf far greater limitations dan others... n whn i heard e feminists tokin, sumtimes i feel tt ey're 2 over-achievers kind... n ey're sorta intrudin in others' lives dis way... i min i wou def classify myself in e under-achievers gp, totally diffe 4m em... tts y i dun agree w/ em... n sumtimes e over-achievers look dwn on us under-achievers... but 4 me, s n under-achiever, i dun feel hurt by tt at all, i jus feel a lil sad 4 em... ey haf achieved so much, yet it stil may nt seem enuff 4 em, n tts y ey haf 2 go interferrin n tryin 2 change ppl like us?? dis is jus 1 pt wch i'm lookin at la... ere's still many other pts wch depicts under-achievers bein a ril sad wasted case la... but i aint coverin tt... cos i already did in my past n def future entries... haha...

o man... life is such a diffi tin man... ppl say ey worry hw e future generation will b n all... afraid ey'll all b senseless "stupid girls"... well, if u worry tt much, u'll also worry hw ur child will grow up 2 b 2 rite?? so simple solution, dun gif birth... ^_^ we'll jus stop at dis generation n become extinct... no more worries den eh... ^_^ i dunno hw twisted u may tink i m, but 2 me, its selfish 2 wanna die alone, i'm tinkin tt everybody wou b much beta off if we all became extinct... but i noe tt aint gonna hap... i jus tot of a funny idea actually... tt maybe i shou find other ppl who believes in human extinction 2, i'm sure out of e billions of ppl ere's sum like me... den we'll form a club... we stil live our normal lives, but we do nt produce any offsprings... but once everybody lived finis deir lives, e club will haf no 1 else huh... so i guess jus like christians n all, we'll go spread our belifs 2... recruit new members 2 carry on e club... but i tink its quite a silly idea la... cos no matter wat, our club will never haf enuff ppl 2 1 day conquer e world n make human extinction a reality... n i do nt wanna haf followers like dose crazy forceful christian ppl... i tink god mite actually b quite sad seein hw sum of his followers haf become... cos dese nutty christians r def gettin on my nerves n most imptly pushed me away 4m god... doh i'm nt god n i most prob wun b able 2 c my future followers become forceful nut cases, but i stil dun wan others 2 b put thru such irritations 2... n s usual, if a club or religion survives 4 a long time, e true motto or goal will eventually get modified n 4gotten... it mite jus become a join e club n sign dis will tt says aft u die w/ no children 2 pass ur inheritance 2, u will donate all of it 2 our club, 2 help dis club cont 2 survive so tt it can cont 2 help others... -_-" den ere'll b lazy ass ppl managin my so-called club n jus livin a workless life n feedin on ppl's donations... sadzzz.... i rilly haf v lil faith in humans huh... but tts also e reason y i wan dis human extinction tin ma... doh i noe ere's stil gd ppl out ere, but e portion of bad ppl jus upsets me enuff 2 wanna end dis world... ha... i tink i'm tokin like i'm god nw sia... haha... anyway, i've rambled way 2 long abt dis shit la... so tata~~~

stress free

jus woke up... its nice 2 wake up bright n earl~... oops... i min stil dark n v early... wahaha... XD well, my parents jus left 4 japan... so yeah~~~ at last.... a huge chunk of pressure off my back 4 e meantime... ~_~ n finally, i can lose wt 2 i tink... haha... cos ere'll b no 1 2 spoon feed me bkfast, lunch n dinner... wahaha... n its rilly irritatin 2 hear em say i shouldnt lose any more wt liao whn i obviously put on wt lor!! X( anyway, i'm jus glad i dun haf 2 wake up n face em every mornin 4 awhl nw... its so stressin... bein under deir scrutiny everyday... i'm supposedly 2 b workin w/ my dad yet i jus sittin on e couch watchin tv or my animes everyday... haizzz... it got til a pt whr i jus stopped stayin in e livin rm w/ him 4 e past wk... i jus stayed upstairs in my sis rm e whole time watchin animes n comin dwnstairs only 4 meals... god... den got once whn my dad had 2 go out 4 a temple dinner, he ask me 2 stay hme in e evenin 2 watch bloomberg 2 keep watch on e US dollar, but i told him i had plans 2 go out w/ my frens... he was jus literally fed up w/ me la... haizzz... e guilt of bein n unfilial daughter rilly kills me or actually more like trouble me... it jus makes me so bothered n irritated... anyway, peace 4 awhl nw... shou get sum tins sorted... dun noe if i'm gonna start work s a HR admin nxt wk lea... e pearly woman din call 2 confirm i got e job lea...

watched gokusen live action season 2 ytd... soooooo nice!!! ^_^ i tink season 2's way beta dan season 1!! maybe cos all e guys dis time r cute lor!! season 1 only had like 3 cute guys out of e 5... but season 2, its 5 cute guys out of 5!!! wahhaaha... XD at 1st whn i 1st saw em, dey din look tt cute 2 me la... only e teppei, who's 4m tt WAT gp, n dis taller rilly handsome guy la... heh... den slowly, i realise e other 2 who were e so called 2 leaders of deir gp started 2 look appealin 2 me lor... ey r 4m kat tun btw, another jap boyband gp... heh... ~_~ den e last guy, i actually deemed him s ugly la... but ytd, whn he was smilin n hangin 4m e railin of e stairs, i realised he actually got a tinge of cuteness la... haha... so wateva... a bunch of bishounens is v plsin 2 my eyes... wahahah... anyway, thanks 2 dem, i d/led another 2 j drama... densha otoko cos e v handsome guy's in it n i also heard 4 sum time already tt dis series is rilly gd la... its actually based on a real live story... n e other is nobuta wo produce cos ere's e super skinny guy 4m kat tun in it... heh... ^_^ so ya... off i go 2 watch densha otoko nw~~~

death note

ere's a death note movie!! XD XD XD XD XD XD "\\^___________^//" hahaha... yesh... dose faces jus shows hw excited i m... haha... no words can express it rite... heh... anyway, jus d/led n watched e trailer... haha... ya la... u tink e movie will come out 4 d/l immediately mer... heh... anyway, its actually a live action... *bit disappointed* but *stil happy la* ~_~ o well, at least e guy actin raito looks v much like e manga's raito actually... heh... dun noe any of e actors n actresses in it actually... wonder if ey went ard japan scoutin 4 dose cosplayers n picked 1 2 play each role... haha... but thanks 2 my lousy screen resolution or graphics card i tink, i cant rilly c L's face... or maybe ey din show actually... haha... but well, cant wait 4 it 2 b subbed n out 4 d/l... doh i tink e earliest mite also b nxt yr?? T_T

so ya, if u wanna d/l e trailer, here's e torrent: http://datorrents.com/download.asp?id=9872&name=Death%20Note%2C%20the%20Movie%20-%20Trailer%20%28580x320%20x264%20AAC%29%20%5BD98AF445%5D.mp4.torrent ... happy d/lin... ^_^ hope u dun haf any prob playin it cos its mp4 format instd of e normal avi format... ~_~ well, if u got any probs, ask sum1 else... i'm 2 lazy 2 help u... wahahaha... XD depends on my mood la... heh... so depends on ur luck 2 lor... XP

anyway, was watchin chinese mtv jus nw... learnt sumtin 4m a girl yger dan me, 18 yrs old only lor... -_-" i min, i tink u guys got tell me b4 also la... but whn she said it on tv, it actually drilled rite in2 my thick skull la... ~_~ heh... or maybe cos tv is jus way 2 influential on me la... haha... anyway, she said,"dun keep fightin 2 make a relationship work like s doh u cannot nt haf it any other way... treat urself beta..." den it sorta dawned on me... i seem 2 haf 4gotten wat i had learnt 2wrds e end of my 18 yrs, n tt was, hw happy 1 can b nt bein in a relationship... at tt time, i deemed relationships s a big boulder of burden... sumtin 1 can do w/out... but even doh i stil new all of dese til nw, i stil couldnt help feelin lonely... tt havin tt sum1 ard was e only way 2 make me happy... i guess sumtimes havin e person u love beside u makes u happy... but havin a wrong person u love beside u aint true happiness at all... cos all i did was try 2 desperately squeeze out anytin out of it 2 tell myself tt dis is e lil speck of happiness tt i'm willin 2 sacrifice everytin 4... 4 tt lil pathetic happiness, i jus torture myself more n more, growin sadder n even sadder... so silly!! 4m e havin sum1, lovin sum1, makin tt sum1 happy, wch in turn makes urself happy, it has sumhw along e way evolved in2, ill-treatment of urself 4 wat?? so tt u dun haf 2 go thru change??

hmmm... actually, i tink so lea... i'm terrible at adaptin 2 changes 4 1... i like doin e same tins day in n day out... bein e borin lil self i m... no surprises n crap... surfin e same anime n manga rels websites everyday... i noe 4 a fact i get pretty agitated whn 1 of e sites is dwn... n i'll feel completely lost if dey suddenly go dwn 4 gd tts 4 sure... serious... i'm nt kiddin... doh i tink u guys shou noe tt already... haha... n i noe my mood cou turn pretty foul due 2 deir dwntime... i may end up starin off n actually nt pay attention 2 wat ur all say... XP heh... man... i rmb whn aniverse server had probs, rmb i used 2 d/l all my animes thru irc last time?? anyway, i made it try 2 reconnect 10000 over times lor... wahaha... auto reconnect ma, so i jus let it keep tryin n went 2 slp la... haha... but whn aniverse officially went dwn, i was pretty devastated la... o well, nt like u guys care 2 noe abt my anime adventures anyway... mich even went all out 2 make tt fact known... -_- haha...

bugis village

my god... seriously... bugis village is a scary plc man... ere's jus so much tins 2 look at!! tins, tins, tins n more tins!! i was already in my usual exhausted state 2dae, n aft goin thru tt plc, i'm way way infinitely worned out!! n even whn i saw sumtin i liked, i wouldnt try it cos sumhw i had dis feelin i'd c it again at a cheaper shop dwn e lane or sumtin... so havin so many shops crammed up in a plc is pretty bad 4 deir businesses man... anyway, both jas n i ended up buyin 1 tin each only... haha... she bought a cap n i got a denim 3 quarts... dis is e 2nd denim 3 quarts i bought, cos e 1st 1 wasnt e perfect 1 i've bn lookin 4... n dis 1 aint e perfect 1 either... wahaha... XD o well, ere mus b side kicks 2 make e ultimate perfect 1 look like e ONE wat.... heh... ~_~"

anyway, here comes e super ridiculous disturbin philosophies of mine... besides e dyin tots, i've tots abt y i tink dis way n all... e brain works, tots r bein generated, den expressed in words, read by e eyes or heard by e ears, den processed by e mind, makin one's self believe in it... wat i min is, e words tt were used, 4 example adjectives 2 describe one's self or sumtin... den even if its nt true, but by tinkin, sayin/writin n learnin/knowin abt it, one starts 2 believe it 2 b true... n e power of one's belifs may b e most powerful tin... so a personality u never had wou b borned... n since its fake, u can actually jus erase it out of ur system, but whn u've psychoed urself in2 it 4 2 long, dis task will seem impossible... but come 2 tink of it, all personality traits r created along e way s we grow up isnt it?? doesnt it make em all fake den in dis way?? wch min we can alwiz create n erase em if we had enuff determination... so basically, our lives r our own, we make e choices ourselves, wat we r or do is bcos we chose 2... doh our decisions can also b affected by others n we can also affect others... hmmm.... u noe wat?? i lost e pt 2 whr all dis tok was goin... haha... ~_~" 1 whole big rd n i stil solve nutin, but jus made me waste time n inflict more pain on my already v damaged brain... haha... XD

swimmin feast

went swimmin ytd 2 supposedly burn off e fats tt i've bn accumulatin by slpin on it e past wk... but guess wat?? we went 2 old air port hawker aft tt.... -_-" i tink i def ate back wat i swam off or maybe even gained back more!! T_T o well, it was loads of fun anyway... ere was jas, me, sw n jeremy... we tok lotsa crap, bitchin abt fat n skinny ppl n so on... haha... sorry 4 bitchin again... T_T anyway, it was thanks 2 e bloody rain tt we got stuck ere n had 2 bitch 2 entertain ourselves wat... haha... well, enuff of bitchin, i rilly wonder if i can eva live w/out bitchin... sadzzzzz....

haizzz... wateva... let's move on... nw's anime time!! ^_^ noe e anime called monster?? well, i've bn watchin it since last last yr i tink whn it 1st came out... i hate e drawin, but e story's pretty interestin... slowly, n i mean v s~low~ly unrevelin e mystery all... so sumtimes, i'd dread watchin it cos i got lost at whr it was supposed 2 b goin n all... anyway, i may haf 4gotten parts of e story liao... haha... but rite nw, i'm dwn 2 e last few epis, epi 72... in fact ytd i watched 4m epi 62 all e way til epi 72 at 1 shot!! it was so bloody interestin man, eyes completely glued 2 e screen n clickin on next immediately once e endin song came up... sadly, even doh i've got e last 2 epis, 73 n 74, but i gotta wait 4 my sis 2 watch em 1st den i can get my hands on em... T_T dun ask me y.. its a long story... haha... anyway, i dun wanna describe wats e story abt all, so jus gonna tok abt dis 1 tin... 1 of e characters grew up in a torture chamber orphanage, bein tortured, tested on n all everyday,thus he lost human feelins... even whn his own son died, he couldnt cry or feel sad... anyway, twisted s he is, he's stil a kind person who helps kids n e ppl he meets... but its nt like he's doin it 4m e bttm of his heart, but bcos he was told tt e rite tin 2 do is 2 help ppl, tt whn sumtin gd hap he was supposed 2 smile n frown whn its bad... basically, he tries his best 2 act out e emotions wch he lost... but e last part b4 he dies, he finally cries real tears n says tt he is nt cryin bcos he's gonna die, but he finally feels sad tt his son died, tt he din lose his feelins, dose feelins were jus hidden sumwhr in him all dis time... den he dies... T_T den another was sayin tt its wrong 4 1 2 rob away e feelins of another, tt humans cannot live w/out feelins... basically, human emotion n all is supposedly a v impt tin in e show or at least at tt time n plc, e aft war kinda germany... but in dis day n age, ere's ppl voluntarily tryin 2 lose deir own feelins, numbin emselves til dey dun fil anytin anymore... we r all born w/ feelins n w/ e environment we grow up in, feelins develop in2 a big part of us... we're nt hollow robots at all... never will b... its impossible 4 us 2 lose our feelins at all... haizzzz... crap... dun listen 2 me... wch u dun anyway... -_- i shou go watch summo anime nw n 4get abt myself... tata~~~ XP

death wish

went 2 watch daisy ytd w/ mich n jas... it was nice, but sad... T_T ere was e girl who acted in e sassy girl movie but she seemed 2 haf put on sum wt... heh... n also tt fireman guy 4m a season 4 love movie 2... well, at least i jus teared 4 dis show, i din like cry uncontrollably like a baby or sumtin like i did 4 e a season 4 love show... ~_~"

anyway, i dunno wat 2 say abt e show except, ey r all v ill-fated la... rilly la... i dun tink any1 in real life will go thru tt la... at least i can confirm i wun, i mean i'm livin in sg, no serious shit goes on ard here... -_- haha...

so anyway, ill-fates aside, i was reminded ytd tt it was 1 of my dreams 2 b a fire fighter... heh... i'm stil figurin out dis meaninful livin shit... n it may b e wrong way 2 go abt it, but e reason i wanted 2 b a fire fighter, was so tt whl riskin my life 2 save others, i might actually die in 1 of my rescue missions... n wat beta way 2 die dan dyin in order 2 help ppl... well, i do admit tt its nt purely out of jus helpin ppl, but 2 justify my death wish... i mean, i dun mind helpin others if it doesnt create 2 much trouble 4 me... but havin e incentive of death n a much more honorable 1 2 dan commitin suicide, is sumtin i wouldnt like 2 pass up man... b4 i tot of hw incredibly ridiculous dis idea is, i came up w/ a bunch of reasons y i cant make it s a fire fighter... i'm nt strong enuff... sadzzz... if ey had a ht requirement, i'd def nt make it... n i dun mind runnin aroun in e hot sun if i'm completely covered in deir heavy gear uniform, but i def dun wanna do practice drills in jus t-shirt n pants n get exposed 2 e sun... cant afford 2 get any darker ya... haha... n dis is sg... wat fires r ere?? i dun wanna go ard savin stupid cats 4m trees or settin up big inflatable air mattress balloon 4 suicidal ppl 2 jump on... so bein a fire fighter is out... den it finally set in, wats e pt of livin a meaninful life if u're jus actin it out w/ n ulterior motive bhind it... it shou b sumtin 4m e heart rite?? i dunno... it jus feels v much hollow rite nw... sumtimes i feel tt practicality is keepin me alive... like i'm nt livin cos my heart wants 2, but e pumpin action of my heart keeps me alive... get wat i mean??

well, enuff abt crap... my head's overloaded w/ tinkin 2 much abt dis meaninful livin tin... its beta nw actually... i'm glad i haf sumtin else 2 tink abt whn i'm alone or sumtin... cos music doesnt help me anymore... so sad... i used 2 wanna travel alone n all last time so tt i cou listen 2 w-inds' songs... but tt aint e case anymore... sadzzzzz......

bleach 79

bleach 79 is out!! ^_^ here's e torrent 2 d/l it!!

http://yhbt.mine.nu/t/b79.torrent

"\\(^_^)//""\\(^_^)//""\\(^_^)//"

meaninful livin

supposed 2 b on my way 2 sg expo nw 2 take my 1st paper... but never intended 2 go 4 it in e 1st plc anyway... i noe my parents saw my exam timetable wch was mailed over... but was jus hopin dey dun rmb... wch ey din... till jus nw... -_- my dad suddenly went,"rnt u supposed 2 b goin 2 sch 2dae?!" i wonder if he even new it was n exam i was supposed 2 take... anyway, jus gave him e "ahh... mmm... ehhh..." responses la... hear him lecture abit... den reply w/ e "its impossible 4 me 2 get tt dip la..." den he finishes up his lecture... luckily, my mom was upstairs den... so she din noe.. n gd tin my dad din mention it 2 her... or at least by e time she came dwn, he was fast aslp on e couch... wahhaha... XD

dis wou b e paragraph whr i proclaim hw useless n fucked up i can b, but 4get it... every1's sick n tired of hearin it, n i cant b bothered 2 state sumtin so obviously true... wahhaha... XD anyway, i'm tired... u've bn hearin tt alot 2 huh... well, i realise ere's nt a single pt in my whole day tt i'm nt tired, whn i basically do nutin but eat n slp everyday... even e times whn i'm tryin 2 slp at nite, i'm also tired... but jus cant slp... makes me wonder, m i rilly tired?? or m i tired of leadin dis useless lifestyle?? i finis watchin shinigami no ballad e other nite, n rite aft e last epi, i had dis sudden urge 2 live my life 2 e fullest... but tt tot immediately crumble aft i did summo tinkin... -_-" wat did i haf 2 do?? end dis lifestyle, study sumtin n actually put effort in2 it?? nah.. 4get it, tts impossible... get a job n work hard at it?? nah... i dun wanna work all my life... do charity work n make e world a beta plc... tts jus nuts!! XD haha... i jus added tt in 4 fun btw... heh... so u c... i gif up easily man... but tts nt e pt here anyway.... livin life meaninfully huh... actually, i dunno wat else 2 say liao... my mind's a complete mess rite nw abt dis meaninful livin tin... haven tot it thru yet... dun tink i will 4 a million yrs more doh... wahaha... XD

anyway, w/ all tt eatin n slpin str aft, i've grown fat!! T_T i dunno if my weighin scale is spoilt doh i doubt so, it shows tt i've gained 3 kgs... T_T but i guess it must b true... feel rilly fat n bloated lately... sadzzz sadzzzz... i tink i haf 2 go 4 a major crash diet or sumtin... slp more n eat less!! wahahaha.... XD

exhausted dreamer

woke up nt long again... slpt 8 hrs dis time... i dunno if i'm jus tired or wat anymore... i'm startin 2 tink all e tins tts buggin me is makin me escape 2 dreamland.. doh it aint tt nice in dreamland either... bad dreams 1 aft another... i wake up feelin worse dan crap... but e silverlinin of it all is, it was only a dream... unlike tins tts rilly happenin in ur bloody life... u cant wake up 4m em... u jus haf it piled up higher n higher in ur troubles zone... i already feel exhausted jus by tinkin of all e fuckin tins goin on...

anyway, i dunno if i can stil go back n slp 2nite... i haf 2 wake up early tml... god... my slpin illness isnt v helpful at all... it jus makes me slp whn i most prob dun rilly nid 2 or shouldnt at all, n e crucial times like dese whn i haf 2 wake up early e nxt day, it fails me completely... hw many mornins haf i gone super dazed, hw many aftnns haf i curled up in bed n snoozed off, hw many outins haf i missed cos i was 2 tired n hw many times haf i disappointed u guys by slpin.......

i guess, all i jus wanna say nw is, i'm rilly v exhausted....................

bad dream

i jus woke up 4m a bad dream wch makes me unable 2 cont slpin... on fri nite, i missed my chance 2 slp... n on sat mornin, i immediately went out w/ my family 2 billy bombers 2 celcebrate n early mom's day... sadly, e burger we ordered wasnt tt gd... 2 dry n all... anyway, went hme ard 1pm n finally kong 2 slp on a v full stomach mind u... T_T

so tts whn my v long dream started... i dun rmb wat hap in e frnt part cos so many tins hap n it was 2 long ago... but 2wrds e last part, i was a student... sch jus finis... had 2 go hme... walk 2 e bus stop outside, wch miraculously turned in2 my nearby hse bus stop.. n i waited 4 a bus 4 n hr over... but only weird no. buses like 630, 996 or sumtin came n went... nxt tin i noe, ishida(4m bleach) invited me 2 go visit him... n i was so frustrated tt e bus wasnt comin... n e nxt bus wch came was 64 or 65 i tink... n i jus got on it... asked e bus driver if it was goin 2 mountbatten rd or sumtin wch i wanted 2 go 2... n he said ya... actually i wasnt sure whr ishida stayed at.. jus new it was smwhr ere...

e bus was rilly crowded so i was stdin n dis girl seated infrnt of me asked if i was visitin ishida... den i was like ya... den she said she was 2, n tt she was his classmate, wch is pretty weird cos i tink earlier on i was invited 2 his hse cos i'm his classmate also or sumtin... so anyway we sat 2gether... asked her if she new wats his add... n she went no she din either... -_-" but we were along mtbatten rd n e hses looked like ishida's kinda hses, all big n landed n rich n all... so we got dwn... den she msged him tt we shou b ard his hse n ask whr is it so tt we cou go over...

e neighborhood suddenly warped in2 1 w/ n arcade, supermkt, cinema, shoppin centre all... like a small town in america or sumtin... anyway, ishida told us 2 meet him at "then", a closed shop up frnt... so we headed tt direction... n at e entrance, ere were a flight of stairs, e whole backgrd n stairs were all black... e stairs were pretty hi like dose 2 ps gv cinema entrance like tt... n s i was climbin it, e girl riched e top already n was tokin 2 him already... he was standin at e left side, hidden bhind a pillar... n s i started 2 emerge 2 e top, i slowly started 2 c his shoes, crossed 1 aft another infrnt of him... den more n more uncovered til e top of his head... it wasnt ishida at all... but in my dream, tt was fine... i stood leanin against e railin tt was situated at e center of e stairs, exactly like e ps gv stairs la... we all tok n he started tokin abt receivin sum solar powered rewards 4m i dunno wat comp or camp he joined... basically, nutin was makin any sense 2 me... n e girl was noddin her head n all, like she understood everytin... n i was sayin i was rilly lost n confused... n she actually tried explainin 2 me 2... den he rich over 2 i dunno pat me or sumtin, n i jus smacked his hand away ril hard b4 he cou touch me... e sound jus echoed thru e plc... n both of em were pretty shocked at my actions...

den e plc suddenly changed in2 a shoppin centre w/ a table n seats beside me.. i was leanin on a railin again... e ppl seated n standin ard e table whr classmates or sumtin... we were all handin up projs 2 dis big boss girl ere or sumtin... n he n e other girl b4 handed in deir gp's proj 2 e boss girl... n e boss girl was v impressed n sayin tt it was so welly done tt no 1 in class cou beat deir proj all... den i was tinkin of my gp's proj, n i realised tt i never helped chip in at all 4 e proj, cos i cant even rmb hw our proj looked like at all...i was jus devastated n depressed n all whl tt boss girl was still goin on abt hw gd deir proj was... i started walkin away, n e plc became a giant supermkt nw... n i was searchin 4 my mom n sis dis time... whn i finally found em in e huge ass supermkt, i woke up...

n so here i m typin dis entry... i jus feel v disturbed by it stil... well, anyway, i tink it was my fault in e 1st plc... i shou never go 2 slp on a full stomach again... i alwiz get bad dreams aft tt... but slpin 4 15 hrs like tt was gd la... catch back all e slp i've bn missin...

anyway, tink i go catch sum animes la... finally gonna watch nana nw actually... ~_~"

old songs

watchin chinese mtv e other nite n heard dis song...



i rmb hearin dis whn i was yg... aft tt it jus kept playin over n over again in my head so i had 2 d/l it... but wat luck... took me almost 2 days 2 d/l dis 2.96mb song... -_-" anyway, went 2 search 4 e lyrics 2 cos i was so awed 2 find out tt she was actually singin,"i saw e sign" s i've alwiz tot since yg tt it was,"i saw e sun" till i saw tt mtv... wahahah... silly me...

Ace Of Base - The Sign

I, I got a new life, you would hardly recognize me, I'm so glad
How can a person like me care for you?
I, why do I bother, when you're not the one for me?
Oo-hoo-hoo-oo-oo
Is enough enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?

I, under the pale moon, for so many years I wondered who you are
How could a person like you bring me joy?
Under the pale moon, where I see a lot of stars
Oo-hoo-hoo-oo-oo
Is enough enough?

I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
Life is demanding without understanding
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong
But where do you belong?
Oh, oh-oh-oh

I saw the sign and it opened up my mind
And I am happy now living without you
I've left you Oh, oh-oh-oh
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign
No one's gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong

(I saw the sign, I saw the si-ee-ign) I saw the sign
(I saw the sign, I saw the si-ee-i-ee-ign)
(I saw the sign, I saw the sign)
I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes, I saw the sign

n thanks 2 dis song, i rmb another song wch i liked whn i was even yger...



god... i rilly used 2 love dis song man... i was rilly surprised at 1st whn i 1st found out it was sung by madonna back den... haha... but everytime i heard it, it made me tink tt e world was like a nice, safe plc, like dose fairytale land in disney cartoons... but sadly, reality aint like tt at all is it..........

Madonna - Dear Jessie

Baby face don't grow so fast
Make a special wish that will always last
Rub this magic lantern
He will make your dreams come true for you

Ride the rainbow to the other side
Catch a falling star and then take a ride
To the river that sings and the clover that
Brings good luck to you, it's all true

Chorus:
Pink elephants and lemonade, dear Jessie
Hear the laughter running through the love parade
Candy kisses and a sunny day, dear Jessie
See the roses raining on the love parade

If the land of make believe
Is inside your heart it will never leave
There's a golden gate where the fairies all wait
And dancing moons, for you

Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

(chorus)

Your dreams are made inside the love parade
It's a holiday inside the love parade

On the merry-go-round of lovers and white turtle doves
Leprechauns floating by, this is your lullaby
Sugarplum fingertips kissing your honey lips
Close your eyes sleepy head, is it time for your bed
Never forget what I said, hang on you're already there

Close your eyes and you'll be there
Where the mermaids sing as they comb their hair
Like a fountain of gold you can never grow old
Where dreams are made, your love parade

(chorus)

Your dreams are made inside the love parade
It's a holiday inside the love parade

T_T

bloggin's evil

yeah~~~ jus woke up at 7am... jas mus b ril proud of me 4 bein such a super pig!! wahaha... i cant belif i'm able 2 slp 4m 3am til 7am whn i jus woke up at 8pm ytd... haha... maybe i've bn hit by sum slpin diesease?? or signs tt i'm dyin soon?? nah... cant b tt lucky... wahaha... XD

anyway, i rilly m bloggin much less nw huh... tts bcos i normally haf e urge 2 blog at wee hrs of e nite, wch i'm supposed 2 b slpin... -_- n if i do blog at wee hrs of e nite, i end up nt bein able 2 slp aft tt... n tts hw i ended up wakin up at 8pm ytd... -_- bloggin's e devil man... haha... it rilly screws my time up... so anyway, i tink i shou jus try 2 blog in e mornins nw aft i wake up... ^_^

hmmm.. bn a long time since i tok abt animes huh... heh... well, jus watched lots of bleach til epi 77!! sooooo nice!! i new it wouldnt fall short of my expectations since e 1st time i picked up e manga 2 read... heh.. n i love e 3 new plushie toys!! ^_^ n kon is stil damn cute n funny la... sayin tt he tot he was finally able 2 win e spot of e cute lovable plushie in e show, n yet dese 3 had 2 appear!! wahahah... XD but dun worry kon, i stil love u best!! u're on my no. 1 spot, den e chicken, den e green masked 1, den e stupid rabbit... haha... i love e chicken's eyes la... O_O 2 big rd circles whn she's shocked all!! so kawaii!!! XD heh... den e green masked guy is so cool!! love his quietness!! den ans w/ 1, 2 words only 1!! sooooo kakkoii!!! XD den e stupid rabbit, hmmm... nutin much abt e rabbit tt i like actually... wahahaha... poor rabbit or wateva its supposed 2 b actually... whahaha... nobody in e show bothers abt him... alwiz tokin 2 himself... heh... maybe tts wat i like abt him la, e comic relief guy... heh...

n e endin theme song!! sadly ey changed it liao... but i rilly loved it la... got e 3 plushies... do tt cute pyramid like dance, e cute 1 by 1 dance, e cute singin dance, everytin jus shouts CUTE la!! XD

purple scrapbk

din blog 4 2 days huh... missed me?? wahahha... XP mich even called me jus nw 2 ask me y... heh... o well... nutin 2 blog abt la... 2 tired n lazy... needa wake up early n stil slp so late summo.. T_T

anyway, haf a reason 2 blog... its quite weird actually... i suddenly decided 2 take out sumtin 2 read wch i haven done so in ages... its tt chunky purple scrapbk w/ blue fury feathers stickin out of it... bet u guys dun rmb... haha... its my 17th yr old bday scrapbk tt cam made by goin thru all e trouble of askin u guys 2 write stuff in it... rmb?? well, i haven read it in a long time cos it was all filled up w/ stuff abt me n harry or i used 2 call him "mao mao"... heh... ~_~

so weird, jas din write in it... T_T o well, she was 2 b z w/ daryl n peaches n herbs den i guess... anyway, i realised sumtin... besides every1 sayin congrats on havin my 1st bf, ey all said e same tin, "big already ah... dun act like a kid anymore"... wch also made me realise tt u guys haf bn sayin dis 2 me every yr on my bday since 4 yrs back!!! wahahha... XD

readin all tt stuff, made me feel so nostalgic all... tt was e beginnin of our separation in a way actually... no sec sch 2 bound us 2gether... but sumhw, along e way, we stil managed 2 stay 2gether again... ^_^

doh sum of e ppl in it were my kenny rogers' colleagues whom i dun tok 2 anymore... like tt cute, but v misleadin wei sheng, heh... n tt pretty rubbishy jake, n eugene!! he's soooo funny!! n of cos harry... readin his was e most unbelieveable 1... w/ his ugly chinese characters n pretty meaninless sentences wch i feel r pretty pathetic... ere's 1 rilly stupid part, whr he said in chinese,"thank u 4 givin me a chance even doh i'm malaysian..." *roll eyes* haha... hw shallow can he get man... i'm nt even racist in e 1st plc lor.. o well, he din noe me tt well anyway... i dun get hw come i can alwiz delude myself n nt c tt sumtin is wrong whn ey tok 2 me so weirdly all man... o!! n another tin i realised, harry had thick lips.. den i tot abt juf n i realised he had thick lips 2!! wahaha... XD eh... did he?? hmmm.. great... i dun rmb hw he rilly lks like liao... ~_~ but thick lips is still nicer 2 kiss i tink... heh... XP

cam also pasted e pics we took at tt rilly wet cleanin up party at kenny rogers... e guys were shirtless n sprayin e water hose at everybody n pourin buckets of water at each other... XD it was a whole lot of fun n wet la... haha... n i rmb havin 2 go hme soaked wet 2 my underwr... haha... XD

well, tt was a fun chp 4 me... its closed nw, but thanks 2 cam, i stil haf a scrapbk of memories of it!! ^_^ heh... *muackx muackx* 2 cam 4 bein so swt n all n puttin in so much effort in tt scrapbk wch was all purple w/ butterflies n more purple!! heh... XD n u guys 2 4 nt leavin dis group wch we built up since pri n sec sch like tt... ^_^