death wish

went 2 watch daisy ytd w/ mich n jas... it was nice, but sad... T_T ere was e girl who acted in e sassy girl movie but she seemed 2 haf put on sum wt... heh... n also tt fireman guy 4m a season 4 love movie 2... well, at least i jus teared 4 dis show, i din like cry uncontrollably like a baby or sumtin like i did 4 e a season 4 love show... ~_~"

anyway, i dunno wat 2 say abt e show except, ey r all v ill-fated la... rilly la... i dun tink any1 in real life will go thru tt la... at least i can confirm i wun, i mean i'm livin in sg, no serious shit goes on ard here... -_- haha...

so anyway, ill-fates aside, i was reminded ytd tt it was 1 of my dreams 2 b a fire fighter... heh... i'm stil figurin out dis meaninful livin shit... n it may b e wrong way 2 go abt it, but e reason i wanted 2 b a fire fighter, was so tt whl riskin my life 2 save others, i might actually die in 1 of my rescue missions... n wat beta way 2 die dan dyin in order 2 help ppl... well, i do admit tt its nt purely out of jus helpin ppl, but 2 justify my death wish... i mean, i dun mind helpin others if it doesnt create 2 much trouble 4 me... but havin e incentive of death n a much more honorable 1 2 dan commitin suicide, is sumtin i wouldnt like 2 pass up man... b4 i tot of hw incredibly ridiculous dis idea is, i came up w/ a bunch of reasons y i cant make it s a fire fighter... i'm nt strong enuff... sadzzz... if ey had a ht requirement, i'd def nt make it... n i dun mind runnin aroun in e hot sun if i'm completely covered in deir heavy gear uniform, but i def dun wanna do practice drills in jus t-shirt n pants n get exposed 2 e sun... cant afford 2 get any darker ya... haha... n dis is sg... wat fires r ere?? i dun wanna go ard savin stupid cats 4m trees or settin up big inflatable air mattress balloon 4 suicidal ppl 2 jump on... so bein a fire fighter is out... den it finally set in, wats e pt of livin a meaninful life if u're jus actin it out w/ n ulterior motive bhind it... it shou b sumtin 4m e heart rite?? i dunno... it jus feels v much hollow rite nw... sumtimes i feel tt practicality is keepin me alive... like i'm nt livin cos my heart wants 2, but e pumpin action of my heart keeps me alive... get wat i mean??

well, enuff abt crap... my head's overloaded w/ tinkin 2 much abt dis meaninful livin tin... its beta nw actually... i'm glad i haf sumtin else 2 tink abt whn i'm alone or sumtin... cos music doesnt help me anymore... so sad... i used 2 wanna travel alone n all last time so tt i cou listen 2 w-inds' songs... but tt aint e case anymore... sadzzzzz......