fei ache

1stly, i was despressed in e mornin n wanted 2 blog abt dis actually... but i'm no longer in tt depressed mood nw actually... so anyway, ere's alwiz bn dis fear inside me... tt ppl will find out i've got no heart... i calc alot... n its 2 e pt whr i dun tink i've got any ril filins left actually... i've mentioned on my blog quite a few times... wats ril n wats nt?? y do i fil tt e care n love i gif ppl r jus calc decisions... none of em r genuine anymore... its more like sensible logic 2 me... nt love... nt ril filins at all... n i've alwiz wondered if, i'm nt wrong... maybe i'm nt e only 1 born w/out filins, so r e others... but s we grow up, we learn 2 care 4 ppl, n sumhw, it bcomes common sense 2 em... so ey dun qn or reject it... whl i unfortunately, cldnt make myself succumb 2 dis make blif n blif tt i care 4 ppl naturally... but it cou also b tt we r born w/ filins... ey r genuine, but i'm jus in denial n i cant seem 2 trust my heart... so e care n love i shower ppl w/ jus doesnt feel ril, its all jus effort, nt 4m e heart but 4m e brain... or maybe i'm jus born wrong... i'm e only 1 w/ no heart... god or wateva overlooked n created every other parts of my body includin a physical heart, but 4got 2 add e magical touch of ril genuine filins... so i'm incomplete... haf alwiz known tt i'm incomplete... i try 2 get sum1 2 fill up e hole, but along e r/s, i jus realise hw big e hole rilly is n tt no one's big enuff 2 ever fill it up... doom... i'm jus destined 2 b resigned 2 doom... resigned 2 a life of nvr seein any meanin in it... dyin w/out anytin aft tt... pure emptiness... wch i m nt unhappy abt actually... aft death shul b like tt aftall... but ppl will nvr accept or understd me nw whn i'm livin... n i'll grow old alone?? whn will my baby gif me up?? whn will i die n acceptance will den nt b nided anymore??